Saturday, February 18, 2012

Keeping it Real

I apologize for my blog absence over the past week- I can't believe that I even missed Recipe Thursday. Shame on me! I had my recipe ready and everything, so I'll catch up this Thursday by treating y'all to two recipes. The past week was a really tough one for me, both professionally and personally as far as keeping up with my resolutions, and this three day weekend could not have come at a better time. A few days ago I read an article written by a psychiatrist who was commenting on the amount of patients she's met with recently who have expressed dissatisfaction with their lives in comparison with people who they perceive to have perfect lives based solely on outward appearances. For example, a woman came in to her session and compared herself to someone she saw on the street who was attractive, put together, happy, and successful looking, and concluded that the other woman must have a better life. She didn't know the woman personally but immediately felt insecure about herself based on this brief encounter. The article talked about how this type of irrational insecurity has only been amplified for people by social media; think about it- on Facebook and Twitter people tend to share only the good parts their lives, and the pictures and posts that we see highlight only a small fraction of what really goes on. Anyone can paint a rose-colored picture of their life through status updates that make it seem like the sun perpetually shines down on them, but that doesn't mean that they don't have the same problems and insecurities that everyone else has- they simply choose not to share it. I know that I'm guilty of it. If you look through my pictures on Facebook they're mostly of our wedding and parties and good times with friends and Carl. Those are times that I like to be reminded of, but they certainly don't come anywhere near representing what life is actually like for me on a day to day basis. So, with "keeping it real" as my inspiration I thought I'd share some of my blunders and weaker moments over the past week.

As expected, Week 7 was a hard one- the hardest yet, in fact. It started with the best of intentions: I had 2 of my 4 workouts knocked out by Monday, I had a fridge stocked with organic produce, and I had a few recipes picked out to make for lunches and dinners throughout the week. Tuesday rolled around and I even stayed strong at work as Valentine's Day chocolates taunted me in the break room. For Valentine's dinner I had picked out a recipe from one of my raw food cookbooks for corn chowder. It sounded really good to me even though the ingredients were a lot different than a traditional chowder. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I was still expecting it to taste like the corn chowder I've come to know and love, and I was met with disappointment when I really didn't like it at all. The same thing happened to me about two weeks ago when we went to Mellow Mushroom with a group of co-workers (special occasion eating out). I had planned on getting a salad but the smell of pizza when I walked in was overwhelming, and I decided to order one of their gluten-free pizzas with vegan cheese.

The pizza that started it all.
Now, maybe if it had been months since I had eaten "real" pizza, it would have tasted just fine, but I wasn't too impressed with it and in that moment I felt dissatisfied with my diet choices. It takes a tremendous amount of willpower to sit and watch a restaurant full of people eating a food that you love but no longer eat, and in this situation I don't think I was ready for it. I think that the Mellow Mushroom incident is what contributed to what happened next in my week.

On Wednesday morning I was on my way to work when I got a call to babysit immediately after. I didn't have any extra food packed for my dinner and when I arrived they were eating, you guessed it: pizza. My conscience and I battled it out for about an hour, and finally I caved and ate the pizza. If that wasn't bad enough, I figured while I was on a roll I may as well have some of the cake that the kids were having for dessert. I know that you're gasping in horror right now. Sugar, gluten, AND cheese!!!??? Yes, I'm afraid so. But wait, there's more. I ended up babysitting again both Thursday and Friday night, and you'd think I would have learned my lesson and packed my own dinner. I behaved myself on Thursday and packed some nuts, snack balls, and a smoothie. The kids were both asleep already when I got there so I was spared the confrontation with babysitter/kid dinner. Friday night, on the other hand, they had pizza waiting for me, and despite the extra snacking that I did beforehand I was really hungry. It hurts to admit it, but I ate pizza AGAIN! And, with having my evenings tied up I also was unable to make it to 4 workouts for the week.

Am I beating myself up over all of this? No! What I'm doing is really hard, especially when I'm not in my own house, where junk food doesn't taunt me. My take-home lesson from the past week is that preparation is going to be the key to my success, especially these first few months while I'm still having cravings for my old favorite foods. Also, it's not safe for me to be around pizza. It would have been oh-so easy for me to keep my food disappointment and pizza eating and lack of workouts a secret from my blog, but I think it's important to share both the successes and the failures of my New Year's resolution journey. For one, it's boring to read about people who are perfect and effortlessly achieve their goals. And if you're like me it's encouraging to know that other people struggle with the same things that I do.

1 comment:

  1. Don't beat yourself up! You are amazing for even doing all that you've done already... plus that pizza looks disgusting.